In their latest book, The Science of Couples and Family Therapy, Drs. John and Julie Gottman show that the couples who have high levels of trust and commitment to one another have longer and happier relationships.
When dealing with conflict, these trusting couples show affection and care for one another. They support each other’s emotional realities by turning towards each other when they are hurting.
A former student of Dr. Gottman, Dan Yoshimoto, discovered that people in emotionally connected relationships had the ability to be emotionally accepting and calm when their partner was upset, even if their partner’s anger or sadness was about something they did. (1)
Essentially these masters of relationships attune to one another’s pain, rather than